My Marriage...

Began on May 6, 2000. It was one of the happiest days of my life.
Fast forward 10 years and 6 months, and I don't even know if I want to continue being married.

That started more than 5 months ago. I can't even begin to pinpoint exactly when I started...falling out of love with my wife, but I will say this: it wasn't any one thing that did it, and it wasn't something that happened over the course of months, but rather, over years...how many? I don't know for certain, but I suspect that it began with that first incident well over 8 years ago. We were at Deacon Collins house for Memorial Day, and I distinctly remember laughing and carrying on with some of the brothers outside, and Moretta said something...exactly what it was I cannot remember for certain, but what I do remember is that it was something along the lines of "you shouldn't be acting like that..." It froze me cold. Here I was, enjoying myself, having fun, not doing anything that could have been misinterpreted or construed as outside the bounds of Christian conduct, and my wife comes out of nowhere and tells me how I should behave. When we got home, we spoke about it...to the point where I went upstairs to my bedroom and muttered to myself "it's not fair, it's not fair", and as I was muttering, I was also spinning around, swinging my hands in the air and kicking the air. Unfortunately, my kick landed in the wall. Left a hole in the wall. It scared her. I was supposed to preach in that next evening's service, but I called my pastor that morning and told him that I would not be able to preach in the evening service. The details of that meeting are unimportant except for two things: Moretta was "embarrased" that she had to meet with me in the pastor's office, and I was held accountable for "making things right", as all issues she had with me were my fault. Oh, and there was an admonishment for us to pray together. Tried to set that up, hmph. She had more important things to do.


Something she said today in the marriage counselor's office crystallized for me what my problem with this marriage has always been. In recounting the event that landed me in therapy, the marriage counselor asked Moretta how she felt about the incident when it happened. "I was devastated", was Moretta's reply, "it was all in the paper and everything. His actions don't just affect him, they affect everybody".

Wait. Never in 10 years of teaching prior to this had any such event happened, it was totally out of character for me, and her response was "I was devastated, because his actions don't just affect him, they affect everybody"??? Not "wait, that's not my husband, something else was bothering him"? Not "It's gonna be alright, I know why you're so stressed out"???

The problem is, there was another problem altogether. I was assisting an elderly gentleman who had passed out that Sunday, by calling the ambulance and relaying the information. One of the man's nieces came out and started causing a scene with me, to the point where I had to leave the premises shortly after the arrival of the ambulance and police. Apparently as I was trying to get away from the woman, I brushed her aside; she called it being "pushed" and decided to call Moretta and tell her that I had pushed her. Mind you, I was already agitated over the woman's behavior towards me while I was assisting her uncle, and I had spoken to my wife about it. But did my wife say to me, "calm down, don't worry about it"? No. She questioned whether I had said or done anything to start with the woman. And, when the woman called and said I pushed her, Moretta started giving me the third degree. Instead of her saying to the woman, "I know my husband, he didn't push you, and if he did, it was an accident and not on purpose", she gave me the third degree, asking me if I had. At the time, I knew that I had not pushed her (at least not with my hands or deliberately), so I told Moretta so...but inside, I was totally aghast. Here is the woman who is supposed to know me and love me, and instead of supporting me and loving me, and helping me to deal with this incident, she's making it worse. I have nobody to talk to, no one to love me, really love me.

It took my mother to realize that there was something else going on. She told me, that when a man has love and support at home, stress doesn't get to him. He is able to manage the curveballs that life throws at him, because he has a support base. I didn't have that. That's why I snapped that day in my classroom.